Baby Gap

It’s Saturday morning and I have started a ritual of coming down to this coffee shop a little way from the place that I am staying and trying to write. It’s a nice spot, I like having a place to go and I can get on the internets and read other people blogs. It has been weird being down here, I have found a new pattern a new way of living life and I like it. I have started rising early and doing stuff around the house before my walk to work. I don’t have the internets at home so I am reading a lot more which is satisfying. I’m working on becoming a civil war buff, which involves a lot of reading, CNN didn’t cover that war, it had to be sketched.
The first few days in the new place I tried to ride the bus to work but the busses didn’t really show up so I started walking the entire way. It takes about half an hour and is a great way to start the day. The city feels like it hasn’t swept up yet from winter, there is still dirt everywhere and all the garbage that ends up blowing into every corner and gutter. A little note to dog owners: you have the dog, pick up the shit. I see more dog shit in my half hour walk than I want to in a lifetime. If I ever see any of you walking away from your pile I swear I will look at you harshly and may even shake my head.
My walking compulsion took me even further yesterday as I went in search of a gift for my cousin’s twins that were born a few weeks ago. I walked up Halsted, doing the look behind for the bus the whole way, only to see it blow past me as I was in the middle of the block and I didn’t want to make the run, so I kept walking. I was on my way to the baby gap, a place I had never been before, but was told had what I needed for a baby visit. BG is in the middle of the CrateandBarrellBordersBedBathandBeyondContainerStoreAmericanEagle vortex that clogs up North Avenue for miles. Maybe because it was a full moon, in fact probably because it was a full moon I entered this area feeling like a complete stranger entering a world of commerce and trade that made me feel insignificant and unprepared. I don’t know if was the way that I saw so many of these products as a feeble attempt to purchase some identity that everyone could take back to their condos and reveal in them what they were to others that came by and judged who they were by what they brought home from this vortex, or I was jealous that lacked the where with all, the planning, the gumption to go out an achieve status so that I too could get the soft green grill for my new condo in the Ukrainian Village. As Bill Hicks would say I was in a mood. I don’t know if it was how in the last three weeks I have gone from the icy shores of Lake Superior, to standing before Martin Luther King, Jrs. Tomb, to getting pushed by a police horse now into this center of commerce that to me was such a hollow place, this place where I saw so many of my peers, struggling around determining patterns and purchasing item.
Entering the Baby Gap I was in a sea of color and I knew I needed a minute to just sort of adjust, get the microphones out of my ears, (something that I purchased to raise my street cred, increasing the contradiction of this entire rant), I did not have a minute I had 17 seconds when I was greeted. My mood although somber, agitated was not inclined to rudeness and I was polite, I even try to be chipper to spread a little friendliness in this fluorescent purgatory.
It is worth saying that no one was mean to me, no one looked at me funny, I hadn’t been cut off in the parking lot, in fact no one had even talked to me or even regarded my existence, which maybe was where this feeling was coming from. This feeling was not hateful, not angry, it was a little sad, but more than anything I think I was disappointed in this, and in what I was a part of. Here we are, all of us, us people on this planet and what do I get? Stuff.
The Baby Gap went well, although the people that work there, although attractive come across as robots who have not interest in who I am and what I am doing there. They wanted to know how many boxes I wanted and if I needed a gift receipt. I was excited to tell them that my cousin had had twins and that they already had two great kids and what was it going to be like having all of these little people around on Christmas, and I was going to see them for the first time tomorrow, what did she think of these clothes that I was buying them.
I signed the chit and got my thank you and walked out, with gifts that I was excited to give new family members, I’m sure that they will look cute, I don’t know if I will ever see them in them, but who knows, maybe. The socks had a cowboy and anchors on them. I stuck my status symbols back into my ears and listened to the band GBH, and some Steve Earl on my way to Borders to find something form Ben and Maggie, the older sister and brother of this clan, kids that I liked and would be excited to see them. I was confused as to what I was going to be to these kids, the odd uncle type figure who had hair that was a little longer and didn’t have partner, a positive influence I hope. I guess since I wrote those things down that is how I see myself, and I must be wonder something about identity to have to think how children see me. I have started seeing a psychiatrist and it has been a pretty positive experience, so pardon the self-evaluation. Art is Therapy, Therapy is Art.
Borders provided some wonderful items for my consumption, a store for me in this vortex, a place that I could identify with and feel comfortable in. I found the kid’s section after a cd in my bag announced my arrival to the store. The alarm went off and I stood and waited until a Borders official came and “deactivated” my bag allowing me complete access to the store. In the kids section I found a couple of classics for Ben and Maggie. Go Dog Go, and the Little Seed. Shopping for kids is not only shopping for kids but for the parents and you never know if you are going to score on all four accounts. Something in this relationship always makes me nervous, something for another session with my doctor, probably not for these pages.
I got into the line at the borders and traveled to the next available cashier, setting down my selections.
“Did you find everything okay” my cashier started.
“Oh yeah” I returned, enjoying a conversation.
“Are you a member of our children’s book club?”
“Ahhh, no”
“Do you buy a lot of kids books, debit or credit?”
“No, debit”, I could answer honestly.
“Do you want to sign up?”
“No thank you”, knowing that not doing so I was somehow throwing money down the toilet.
“Are you interested in becoming a Borders member”?
“No”
“I just need you to sign this please.”
I signed.
“Thanks have a great day”
“Do you ever get tired of trying to sell me stuff instead of having a real conversation with me?” I asked grabbing my bag.
“No”, she answered, “I feel strongly about these promotions about my customers.”
“Thank you.”
I was able to catch a bus home; it ended my walking for the day. I got to get to Naperville to deliver these gifts and see the twins.